Never let me crash
by dream2bawrtr
Summary: Bellarke A/U: After a horrible attack on Bellamy, Clarke finds herself back in his life. She swore 5 years ago to never let him back into her heart. But fate was such a devious thing, huh? Clarke finds him in the hospital, broken and the light in his eyes had died out completely. Will he ever be the same like before?Or is he so broken that he can't be fixed on the inside?
1. Chapter 1

_**Never let me Crash**_

At the moment, Octavia was waiting impatiently for the doctor to come and talk to her. As she fidgeted in her chair, Jasper observed her, wanting to calm her down.

"Hey, Octavia. He is strong… he'll make it. Have faith, OK?" He said, and carefully placed a hand on her upper arm.

He and Octavia were close friends once, but something happened 4 years ago that tore their friendship apart. When she had called him the day before, he was very surprised, because Octavia had sworn to never speak to him ever again. At first he ignored her phone call, but as she kept texting and calling him, Jasper caved. The horrible news she delivered, had hit him hard, but he miraculously was able to collect himself, and told her that he was gonna take the first plane to New York.

"Jasper, I don't know what I would do if… if… I cannot lose him. I can't, Jasp…" Octavia sobbed, her voice breaking near the end.

At that, he pulled her in a tight embrace, no longer hesitant about comforting her like he used to, when they were younger. Octavia wasn't able to contain her emotions anymore and let it all out.

"I can't lose him, Jasper. He… he's all I got. He's m… my only family." She sobbed into the crook of his neck.

Jasper held her tightly, and attempted to sooth her by rocking her back and forth. After a while, her sobs subsided and she slowly pulled back. As Octavia grabbed a tissue from her bag, she smiled inwardly. She had forgotten how great Jasper's hugs were… until now.

"Do you need something, Octavia? Some water or- " Jasper began, but got cut off by a woman's voice.

"Miss Blake?"

Octavia immediately rose to her feet, and waited for the doctor to speak.

She said." Miss Blake, your brother is out of surgery and his condition is stable. Not everything went smoothly, but he will pull through."

As those words reached Octavia's ears, tears spilled from her eyes once more." Did you hear that, Jasper? He will make it. My brother is gonna be OK."

_**~ Six hours later ~**_

"Clarke! Clarke!"

Clarke was busy with one of her patients, when she heard her name being called by a familiar voice. As she turned around to face said person, she felt someone grab her on her wrist and tugged at it urgently.

"Raven? What are you doing here? What's the matter?" Clarke asked, as she furrowed her brows.

"You have to come with me, now. Right now." The brunette commanded, as she looked at Clarke with pleading eyes.

"Raven, need I remind you that I'm tending a patient at the moment." Clarke muttered under her breath.

"I have a pressing matter to discuss with you, Clarke! This really cannot wait. Please?" Raven said, her eyes pleading.

Clarke knew her friend; Raven would never interrupt her if the matter wasn't urgent." OK, I'll come with you. Just give me 5 minutes; I'll finish up here first. Wait outside for me, OK." She replied, and turned to finish up checking on her patient.

**_~ At the 10th floor of the hospital ~_**

As Clarke walked over to Raven, she wondered what this was about. Raven… correction, Detective Raven Reyes, was someone who was able to handle anything. Like, literally anything! She was one of New York's finest and had dealt with some heavy criminals in the past. So seeing Raven on edge like this, made Clarke very nervous- hell, she even felt a bit scared.

When Clarke had reached Raven, she cleared her throat. At that, the brunette looked at Clarke and began to pace.

"Raven, what's wrong?" Clarke asked, nervously biting her bottom lip.

Instead of responding, Raven kept pacing the hall, so Clarke grabbed her on her upper arm, making Raven come to a halt." Tell me, Raven. What's the matter?" she asked impatiently.

"Last night I was at a crime scene." Raven began.

After waiting for a few moments, Clarke gritted her teeth and snapped." Raven, I swear that I _will_ hurt you, if you don't tell me right away what you saw."

Clarke had a bad feeling that something horrible had happened; she just couldn't handle the suspense any longer.

"OK, OK. I'll tell you, Clarke. But take a seat first?"

"Raven!" Clarke shouted impatiently.

"OK! Last night I was at a crime scene. At first I didn't notice who was lying on the ground, but then I saw the ring." Raven explained.

"Ring? What ring?" Clarke asked, as she shook her head, not understanding what Raven was talking about.

"He… he uhumm… he wore the ring around his neck… you know, he used the Dog Tag- the necklace and wore it."

At this point, Clarke had lost her patience completely." Who?! Who, Raven? And which ring are you referring to?"

"The ring you once gave to Bellamy. It was Bellamy, Clarke. He was brutally attacked by some unknown men. His face was bashed in completely… my partner and I thought that he was dead, when we arrived at the scene. There was just _so_ much blood. But as soon as we realized that he was alive, we immediately called an ambulance."

As those words left Raven's lips, Clarke silently let go of her best friend and staggered backwards. At that moment, Clarke wanted to scream… she wanted to cry… she wanted to shout- But no matter how hard she tried, Clarke was unable to express all those feelings. Instead, she stared in front of her and took a seat in one of the chairs.

Raven watched her friend with worried eyes, and placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her."Clarke. Clarke. You OK?"

At that, Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few moments. When her eyes fluttered open, Raven noticed that Clarke had tucked her emotions away. Oh boy. Clarke was putting up her invisible walls around herself again.

"Clarke, you don't have to act strong _all the time!_ You _can_ show your emotions, alright? We are talking about Bellamy here."

But instead of listening to her friend, Clarke cleared her throat and said."I _have_ to be strong all the time, Raven. Who will, if I don't?"

At that, Raven shook her head and looked at Clarke with sad eyes." You two have history, Clarke. I know you went your separate ways with unresolved issues, so don't act this way. Stop building these walls around your heart. Don't shut me out... I'm your best friend. You _can_ talk to me. You know that, don't you?"

As those words reached Clarke's ears, she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat with much difficulty... And yet she ignored Raven's words and instead _purposely_ avoided the topic." Raven, can you show me _now_ which hospital room Bellamy is in?" she asked, her icy blue eyes full of hidden emotions.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I do not own The 100**_

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><p><em><strong>Hey, you all.<strong>_

_**Thank you for the wonderful feedback. :)**_

* * *

><p>Waiting. She has been waiting for him. Waiting for him to wake up. Waiting for him to come back… That's all she could do at the moment— Wait.<p>

Clarke's colleague, Doctor Martin, who had performed the surgery on Bellamy, was very confident about his recovery. In Clarke's opinion, Doctor Martin was a big show-off—they were always butting heads about everything. But— no matter how much she disliked her colleague, she knew damned well that Martin was one of the best surgeons in the region.

Bellamy will get better eventually— He just needed time to heal properly. And right now, time was all he had. As Clarke watched Bellamy lying in his bed, a tear had rolled down her cheeks. Why? Why did this have to happen to him? They weren't in a relationship anymore, but she still cared for him. She'd always care for him no matter what.

As a sigh escaped her pale lips, Clarke observed his face. It was still swollen from the way those men—correction, those _animals_ had bashed his face into a pulp. For a whole week now, Clarke had been visiting Bellamy and each day, she had the urge to caress his cheek, but she was too scared to go there. She didn't want to go back there— she couldn't go back there. No! She couldn't let him suck her back in. Five years ago she broke all ties to him and in all those years she was able to live her life without him. Well, until now that is.

Since Raven had brought her to Bellamy's hospital room, Clarke wasn't able to stay away from him. God, she tried, but she just couldn't help herself. As Clarke's eyes lingered on Bellamy's face, she observed every inch of it. His dark hair was still unruly like it used to, his lips pale. His eyes were closed— yes, she remembered those soft brown eyes. In the past Bellamy was able to soften her heart with just one look—

He had a strong jaw, and his cheeks were hollow now. At one point, her eyes fell on his infamous freckles— yes, those damned freckles that were so freaking adorable!

Clarke really thought that she was over him, but as the days went by and the more she saw of Bellamy—even when he wasn't conscious, she realized that she never got over him. That was a very frightening discovery, but that was the naked truth.

"This really has to stop, you know!" Clarke was startled, as a feminine voice took her out of her thoughts.

When she turned her face, she saw Octavia glaring at her with those piercing blue eyes of hers. Bellamy's sister was openly throwing daggers at Clarke with her eyes.

"Octavia, I— she began, but the brunette cut her off.

"You don't have to be here. Bellamy does not need you, OK!" She spat, as she towered over Clarke.

At that, Clarke rose to her feet, and stood face to face with the petite brunette." Octavia, I really don't wanna fight, OK?"

"Well too bad for you, but I do not want to see you here anymore, Clarke."

At that, Clarke scrunched her brows together, and let out a deep breath." Why are you being like this? And BTW, since when do you speak for Bellamy, huh?"

At this point, Octavia had lost her patience completely." Since when? Since when, you ask me?! Since the day you broke my brother's heart! Do you even know what became of him, when you broke off your engagement? Do you know what you had done to him?!" Octavia shouted, her voice trembling, as tears pooled in her eyes.

"Octavia, listen to me. You do not know the whole story, OK. I trie—" Clarke started, but Octavia kept interrupting her.

"I don't wanna hear it! All I know is that you promised to be his and that you would always, always stand by him! But the minute it got difficult you bolted, and left him! You left him, and you never looked back, Clarke!" Octavia snapped, as the tears spilled from her pretty eyes.

At that, Clarke shook her head, and looked at the petite brunette with sad eyes."You don't know what you're talking about."

" You and I— we were like sisters! You were my friend! I trusted you, and yet you betrayed my trust! Bellamy means everything to me! And he loved you, Clarke! He never loved anyone like he loved you! And yet, you knocked him when he was down!" Octavia sobbed.

"Octavia, please listen to me. I loved him t—"

"Don't you dare…" Octavia hissed, as she went up all in Clarke's face. "Get—the—hell—out."

At this point, Octavia couldn't bare it anymore. Clarke was the one her brother loved unconditionally, and he would've done anything for her. She left him 5 years ago, and yet Bellamy kept making excuses for her. When Clarke broke off their engagement, Bellamy became a shadow of what he once was. Octavia had done everything in her power to get him back on his feet.

It had taken her 2 whole years to get Bellamy to be his old self again—though he never got over Clarke. In his eyes Octavia still was able to see the hurt, and agony that the blonde woman had caused him.

And now she's back! Clarke's back, but this time Octavia was determined to make sure that she won't hurt her big brother again.

As those four words reached her ears, Clarke wiped away her tears."Look at him. Look at your brother. He's hanging on a threat here, and all you can do is try to drive me away? How selfish of you, Octavia. I will _not _stand here and let you bully me, OK?"

Well that was it. That made Octavia lose it. She was about to grab Clarke, when two strong hands held her back.

"Octavia! Octavia, calm down! Are you high or something?" Jasper scolded her, as he created a distance between the two women.

As Octavia locked eyes with Jasper, she noticed how angry he was. Oh, boy. Jasper getting angry— that almost never happens.

He then looked angrily at Clarke." Hey, are you two crazy? Bellamy is barely holding on! And what do you 2 do? You fight in his hospital room! Are you two freaking nuts?!"

At that, Clarke hastily walked out the room, while murmuring a clear "sorry."

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><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading! :)<em>**


	3. Chapter 3

_**I do not own The 100**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey, you all.<strong>_

_**Thank you for the wonderful feedback. :)**_

* * *

><p>Lightning tore up the sky and thunder rumbled like it wanted to break the Earth in small pieces. The darkness had stretched out over New York City, calling out all the creatures of the night to come out and play. As Clarke walked into the bar, the scent of smoke greeted her at the entrance.<p>

Cigarettes. At that, she coughed loudly, making the men and women who were inside, look at her from head to toe. Clarke wasn't the kind of woman who went to bars regularly to drink—but tonight she really needed a glass or two. Yes, she needed to feel the burning sensation of the liquid go down her throat.

In no time she spotted a free stool at the bar. The moment Clarke took a seat, she heard someone clear his throat. As she looked up, Clarke saw a handsome, blond man smiling at her. "What's your poison, sweetie?" he asked confidently.

"Uhumm —sorry, but I'm waiting for someone. I cannot drink yet. Maybe some other time." Clarke replied, and gave the stranger an icy look.

The blond guy was disappointed, but did his very best not to show it."OK, sweetie. Next time then." He said, and walked away.

"Ouch! You've hurt his ego, you _do_ know that, right?" the bartender stated.

"Well, too bad. Right now I just need a drink. I'm not in the mood for company." Clarke answered coolly.

"OK, then. What will it be?" the bartender asked, smiling.

"Surprise me, can you do that? Just make sure it's something very strong." Clarke requested.

"OK, one drink coming up."

In the meantime, Clarke looked around, her eyes landing on a couple sitting closely together. They looked so happy and in love. The young woman and man were enjoying themselves, drinking, talking, and laughing. As she observed the two, Clarke suddenly felt a gnawing pain in her heart— once, she _was_ _that_ happy with Bellamy.

Life was so unfair!

"Here you go. One drink that will make you forget _all_ about him." The bartender promised, as he placed the glass on the counter.

Clarke shook her head, and grabbed her drink."Wow, you sound so certain that I'm here, attempting to drink away all my sorrows." Clarke said with a sarcastic tone in her voice.

"Sorry, didn't mean to judge. This first one is on the house, OK?" The bartender offered, and nodded.

As Clarke brought the glass towards her lips, her mind drifted off to a time when everything was normal and simple.

**_*FLASHBACK*_**

_"Raven! I cannot believe that you've convinced me to go along with you! This neighborhood is so dark and scary." Clarke scolded at her best friend._

_"Oh, don't be such a scaredy-cat, Clarke. Let's go inside." Raven replied, and dragged her towards the entrance of the tattoo parlor._

_"Raven, Raven. Let go of me!" Clarke protested, but for a small girl, Raven sure was pretty strong. Guess all that training on the Police force made Raven stronger than she used to be._

_Before she knew it, Clarke and Raven were inside the parlor. The men there were all staring at them, some even smirking and whistling._

_Clarke gulped rather loudly, and turned to face Raven. "We need to get out of here, now." She mouthed._

_But instead of doing what Clarke suggested, Raven flashed her badge at the men."Police business here, OK? Anyone here have a problem with it?"_

_In response, all the men shook their heads, and said 'no' in unison._

_"OK, then. Move along, you all. I have some business to discuss with the owner. Where is he?" Raven asked, while raising an eyebrow._

_"I'm the owner! What's this about?" a manly, gruff voice growled right behind Clarke and Raven._

_As Clarke turned around, she saw a man— no, not just any man, but a man so manly looking, that her throat went dry instantly. His dark locks fell unruly over his face, his gaze was soft and yet piercing, his lips were curled up in a smirk, and the freckles on his face almost made him look innocently._

_"I'm Officer Reyes, and this is my friend. Can we talk somewhere privately?" Raven said coolly._

_"Uhmm— yeah, of course. Right this way." The owner of the tattoo parlor replied._

_When the three of them were alone, Raven suddenly burst into laughter. And so did the man with unruly dark hair._

_At that, Clarke furrowed her brows, and looked at her best friend. "Hey, what's going on here, Raven?"_

_"Nothing. I just wanted to pull a prank on Bellamy's clients, that's all. They're all so scared of cops; I couldn't resist messing with them." Raven replied, with a wide grin on her pretty face._

_"So, you two know each other?" Clarke asked._

_"Yeah, I came here last Sunday to make an appointment with Bellamy for a tattoo." Raven responded._

_"O-kay." Clarke said, and nodded._

_"Clarke, this is Bellamy Blake. Bellamy, this is Clarke Griffin." Raven said, as she introduced Clarke to the dark haired man._

_At that, they shook hands. As their hands connected, so did their eyes. Soft brown orbs, connecting with ocean blue ones._

_"So, Miss Reyes. What will it be?" Bellamy asked, while raising his eyebrow._

_"Uhmm— what do you think, Clarke? What should I take?"_

_At that, Bellamy's eyes fell on Clarke. 'Oh, boy. Why are his brown eyes so freaking beautiful?' was what Clarke thought, as their eyes locked once more._

_"Well, I think that you should pick out whatever you want, Raven. I can't decide it for you. You have to live with it every day, not me. Have you decided yet, where you want the tattoo?" Clarke replied, almost tripping over her own words, as she attempted to avoid Bellamy's gaze._

_Raven nodded, and said."Yup, on my ankle."_

_"Well, think about it. We have the time." Bellamy replied. "Want something to drink?" he then offered._

_"Sure, I'd like a beer. I'm off duty, since an hour ago." Raven replied, still contemplating what to choose. At this point, she had narrowed it down to two choices, and yet she was still completely torn between the two._

_When Clarke didn't respond to his offer, Bellamy glanced at her."I'd like a coke, please. I'm the designated driver— like always." Clarke said._

_As Bellamy walked over to the small fridge to grab the drinks for the girls, Raven winked at Clarke._

_"He's hot, isn't he? I saw how you were checking him out. " Raven whispered._

_"No, I wasn't! Now shut up! He's coming back!" Clarke snapped._

_"Ooh, you want him, don't ya? You were drooling at him, girlfriend. Go on, go for it. You so deserve it, Clarke." Raven kept teasing._

_"Shut up!" Clarke hissed, and elbowed her best friend._

_"Ouch!" Raven complained._

_"What happened?" Bellamy asked, looking genuinely concerned._

_"Nothing." Raven and Clarke said in unison._

_"OK, here you go. One beer and one coke." Bellamy said, and handed the girls their drink._

_"We were just having a chat about why Clarke doesn't want to drink beer." Raven explained._

_"And why is that?" Bellamy asked curiously._

_"She told you that she always has to be the designated driver, but in truth—what Clarke really means is; she's a doctor 24/7. Clarke not only takes her job home, but she takes it everywhere! Even here." Raven teased, and winked at Clarke._

_"That's not true! You make it sound like I'm no fun at all!" Clarke protested._

_At that, Raven burst into laughter. "Clarke, come on! I'm your best friend since kindergarten! Who knows you better than me? Even your mom doesn't know you like I do. You are the stiffest, strictest person I know. You care more about rules and taking care of people; you do not know what fun is! All you think about is work, work, work. It's awesome how you're able to heal sick people, and I admire you so much for it. But, you can have fun once in a while, you know."_

_"I can't believe you're s—"Clarke began, but Bellamy gently cut her off._

_"I'm really sorry to interrupt, you two. But you're my last client for the evening, Miss Reyes."_

_"OK, OK. I've decided what I want." Raven replied, and nodded._

_"Alright then, you can take a seat, now." Bellamy suggested, and went to grab his tattoo tool box._

_When he returned, he offered Clarke a seat on the couch._

_Clarke gladly accepted his offer—she was exhausted from pulling all-nighters at the hospital. A colleague of hers was on vacation, and another had been sick for a whole week. So who was willing to cover for them? Clarke Griffin of course._

_"You comfortable?" Bellamy asked, as he watched Clarke sitting on his couch._

_"Yes, I am. Thank you." She replied, her heart thumping against her chest._

_"Good. I better get to work now." He said, and walked over to Raven._

_As Clarke sank into the very comfortable couch, her eyes automatically fluttered shut._

_'Raven was nuts! I wasn't drooling at Bellamy Blake! Yes, he was tall, dark and handsome. And he was so my type, but— whatever! Raven was seeing things that were not there! Ugh!' Clarke thought, attempting to convince herself that Raven was wrong._

_((()))_

_"Clarke. Clarke." She heard a male voice say from afar._

_"Hmmm?" Clarke responded, but then went back to sleep again._

_"Princess, princess." She heard that familiar voice again. That manly voice…_

_But then she heard another. "Clarke Melody Griffin!" That one was Raven's._

_"Leave me." Clarke objected, but then she felt her best friend's tight grip on her upper arm._

_ "Wake up! Wake up, sleepy head. Come see my tattoo!"_

_At that, Clarke's eyes fluttered open." Huh? Let me see, girl."_

_Raven laughed, and proudly showed Clarke her tattoo."And? What do you think?"_

_Clarke responded by gasping softly, her hand covering her mouth."It's beautiful! It's very beautiful, Raven."_

_"Really?" her best friend asked._

_"Definitely. Beautiful. You're a talented artist, Bellamy Blake." Clarke stated._

_"Well, thank you, Doctor Griffin. To get such a compliment from you— well, I'm honored." Bellamy teased, as his brown eyes pierced through her clear blue ones._

_At the moment, Raven could jump in the air of joy. Not only was she in love with her new tattoo, but her best friend had finally met a guy who could keep up with her. Raven just had a feeling—a hunch that these two were meant to be._

_"Earth to Clarke and Bellamy! You guys? Will you stop staring at each other, and just go have a date or something?" Raven asked, with a wide grin on her pretty face._

_At that, Clarke broke eye contact with Bellamy, and shook her head." Nope, I have a better— much better idea!"_

_"And that is?" Raven asked._

_Clarke then turned to face Bellamy." Raven keeps telling me that I'm no fun. Well, I'll show her that I can be fun and spontaneous. Bellamy, I want a tattoo. I want a tattoo on my back— precisely between my shoulder blades. Think you can do that for me?"_

**_* End of Flashback *_**

"Clarke, Clarke!"

Clarke was taken out of her thoughts by someone calling her name, and also shaking her rather roughly.

"Raven? What are you doing here?" Clarke asked, as she faced her best friend.

"What am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?" Raven retorted, her hand landing on her hip.

At that, Clarke let out a deep breath." Nothing. I uhumm— I needed a place to think, is all."

"Why are you in _here_, Clarke? In a bar! This is not you!" Raven scolded her.

"Raven! Octavia already gave me an earful! But she really was being very unfair! I don't think I can handle more scolding! Not from you, anyway." Clarke spat, as she glared at her best friend.

At that, Raven held both her hands up. "Hey, I'm not here to fight, OK. I'm here to tell you something _very_ important."

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! <strong>_

_**Drop me a comment? :)**_


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